Sorry for the cliffhanger.  Things have been crazy around here! 

Baby E has a cleft palate that wasn’t caught at the hospital, so we’ve had to run around to see a bunch of specialists.  He was having a lot of trouble eating by breast and bottle, but we met with a swallow therapist (yeah, that’s a thing) and learned how to feed him using a bottle called the Haberman Special Needs feeder.  It sort of squirts milk into his mouth so he doesn’t have to suck, since the lack of separation between his nasal cavity and mouth means he can’t generate much suction.  I have been exclusively pumping so he still gets breast milk.  It’s really hard, and I don’t know how long I will be able to keep it going, but for now, my goal is 6 month.

Looking ahead, he’ll need major surgery at 10 months old.  Trying not to focus on that part too much now…

I am ecstatic to announce that Emmett (otherwise known as Poppy) joined us on June 22 at 11:33pm after only a 3 hour and 5 minute labor.

Here’s the story:

At 40w4d, the Wednesday following my due date, I had been on bed rest due to pregnancy-induced hypertension for a little over two weeks and had had my membranes stripped 3 times, most recently at 40w3d.  I was having isolated practice contractions and Braxton Hicks, but not many, and was pessimistic.  I was scheduled to go for a non stress test at the hospital at 40w6d to determine if I could remain pregnant past the 41w mark, and the midwives were pessimistic about my chances because isolated readings of my blood pressure had been very high.

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Here we are, my third week of bed rest and 41st week of pregnancy.

The good news is (a) after going on strict bed rest last week, I am back on the much more pleasant modified bed rest, (b) I have made some progress and as of Thursday was 2cm dilated and 70% effaced, and (c) my blood pressure has improved with bed rest, which means I probably won’t have to be induced.

The bad news is that I have been having (usually painful) contractions on and off, for anywhere from 2-16 hours at a stretch, since Thursday, and the prolonged and unpredictable pain, sleep deprivation, and frustration is really not putting me in a good place mentally. If they don’t start going somewhere soon, I am pretty sure I am going to lose my mind.

Does anyone have any tips for me?

I recently came across this story. While, unlike the author, I would never say that infertility has improved my life, I’d be hard-pressed to argue that it has not changed my perspective in important ways.

First, infertility has made me more grateful for what I have: a great husband and, of course, Poppy. Even in my darkest moments, when a baby was far from a sure thing, IF made me grateful for the strength of my husband and our marriage. What with the husband almost dying a few times already, I think it’s safe to say that we have survived more challenges than your average couple married under three years, even without throwing IF into the mix. IF put some(!) additional strains on our relationship, but also showed us once again how strong it is. As for Poppy, I hope he’ll grow up feeling like the most wanted kid on the planet, because, at least for me, he is. :-)

Second, infertility has made me bitter. (I realize this probably sounds a bit paradoxical when combined with the above, but oh well—I never promised to make sense.) Sometimes I am surprised at the depth and ferocity of my bitterness, as it springs on me at the oddest times. It feels like, since I am going to have Poppy, it should have disappeared by now. And yet, when I hear about an acquaintance who got pregnant right away with twins, or who had a child in the fall “because they planned it that way to coincide with private school admissions”, I can’t help but want to throttle someone.

I’m curious: how has infertility changed you?

…But here I am at 38w1d (I am now 38w5d).

I have been a crazy new level of tired/lethargic lately. Over the weekend, my “to do” list literally had two things on it, and one of them was “walk across the street and get a manicure.” Neither got accomplished, as I spent the whole weekend laying around and napping. I don’t think I have ever been too tired to get a manicure.

Yesterday I had an appointment with one of my midwives, and she’s concerned about my blood pressure, which was pretty high. As a result, I have some new physical limits, including:

1. Lie down on my side for 45 minutes twice day. (Since I am a lawyer, she felt the need to add, “And NO working when you are laying down!!”)

2. Stay out of the heat.

Since I work in an office, you can imagine that these limits put a cramp in my style, work-wise. I am pretty much working from home from here on out, but I can’t do very much else….I am so bored!

…I am 1cm dilated and 60% effaced.  I’ve had a few crazy bouts of (non-progressing) nightime contractions, too, so I am thinking we may be getting close to meeting Poppy!

I am 37 weeks today.  Do you know what that means? 

    If this were a 16 and Pregnant episode, we’d be about 25 minutes into the show and I would be saying something like, “I really hope [boyfriend’s name]/mom/dad sticks around for good this time” while the show fades to a commercial and the audience knows without a doubt that boyfriend/dad/mom will not be sticking around.

    Oh, yeah, and it means I am at term….if the baby came today they wouldn’t do anything to stop him!

…I don’t think I want to know what it is.

lower into my pelvis…which apparently means I could go into labor before my due date (still more than 4 weeks away).  The midwives say they don’t think I will be overdue.  As a result, I am going into overdrive handing things off at work, readying the apartment, etc.  (Unfortunately, we didn’t get to finish the nursery corner this past weekend because the shelving I wanted was backordered.  Grrr.)

Poppy, if you’re listening, please stay in there a bit longer.  Maybe until June 4th at the earliest?  Thanks.